We're Being Watched

I don't understand why the news is making such a big deal about how we're being
watched by the government. The government has always and will always watch us.
What is the big deal? If you're not doing anything wrong I don't think you have any-
thing to worry about. I guess paranoid people shouldn't use the telephone, a com-
puter, or even leave the house.

Does it bother you when everyone else watches you?

We're being watched by people and businesses like...

• your neighbors
• websites you visit
• retail stores
• grocery stores
• doctor's offices
• schools
• police officers
• cameras on street corners
• your TV may be watching you too

The Perfect Butt

A lot of people are butt obsessed. People with big butts want little butts. People
with little butts want big butts. It seems like women are pressured more into hav-
ing perfect butts. Women have to worry about panty lines, but men don't have
to worry about underwear lines. A man can sag if he wants to (not that I recom-
mend sagging) or a man can wear his pants pulled up where they belong.

Some women are so concerned about having perfect butts they'll wear fake butts,
get butt implants, or wear bottoms so tight they look like they're in pain. So...
whether your butt is big, little, fat, or small be glad you have a butt at all.

That Being Said...This Is Amazing

I hear these two phrases every day: 'that being said' and 'This is amazing.'

Some people use 'that being said' when all they need to say is 'but.'

ex: I try to eat healthy. That being said, I still eat doughnuts every morning.

ex: I try to eat healthy, but I still eat doughnuts every morning.

'This is amazing.' is said so much you'd think everything in the world is
amazing. Animals are amazing...People are amazing... Food is amazing...
I could go on and on.

Instead of saying amazing all the time use one of these words:

• awesome
• terrific
• fabulous
• marvelous
• wonderful
• fantastic
• incredible
• remarkable
• astounding
• miraculous
• outstanding
• spectacular
• extraordinary

Are Your Shorts Too Tight?

Are your shorts too tight?
That's just not right.
You're tugging the front and your crotch can't breathe.
Tell me please how could this be?
When you walk you chafe.
That couldn't feel safe.
Your private parts cry.
Don't say it's a lie.
Are your shorts too tight?
That's just not right.
Does your crack feel cracked,
as you try to look stacked?
Digging your shorts out of your backside.
This makes me wonder if you have pride.
Stop tugging at your shorts and buy some that fit.
If you buy the right size then you won't hurt a bit.

Gross Spider

This gross looking spider was on my back porch and when I first saw it I wanted
to kill it because it was scary looking. Then I decided I'd research the spider a
little bit to see if it would be likely to hurt me.

According to the University of Michigan Museum of Zoology website, this spider 
is called a Argiope aurantia and it is not considered dangerous to people. Since
this spider isn't a threat (unless you're a tiny bug) I will leave the little ugly thing
alone.